What Kind of Fuckery is This?

I have to ask – who made these directions up??!!  Note the word – 6 miles… yes we were prepared for this walk.  Had the walking shoes.  Have a map OS 151 – seemed good to me.  But really… read the words:

“follow the elevated path”… mmm where was that?

“follow the left hand boundary of the field to the corner and head down the slope”

Oh AND THIS one is great: “This section is now very poorly maintained with long grass and nettles and a path that is no longer obvious”… Now that is the FUCKERY!?!!

Here’s a couple of pictures of us trying to tried to find these amazing directions given to us:

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Now what you see is Lara walking along the road… simple enough.  Dave coming out of one path that leads to no where.  The open field that had a path leading to it (probably for farm workers) and the path of enlightenment if we chose to take one of them!

Eventually after doubling back a few times, we had to choose the car path and we walked about 2 miles down a major road (not idyllic scenery as semi-trucks and buses are whooshing by us)… as we follow a road map!

Welcome to our next scavenger hunt of clues to how to find things….

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peeing at monument

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find telephone pole

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go thru gate # 8

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oh under 2 telephone poles

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WTF?

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Find castle house

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could have ridden a horse?

 

So you ask WHY the title of “fuckery”… I just believe that the English directions for travelling by the footpaths through their country need to add this extra word to the dictionary under “fuckery walking holidays”.  The definition to include “scavenger hunt like clues for walking through the English country side, where paths may or may not be found”.

After all… you recall the beginning picture that said 6 miles – here’s our end result and both Dave and I believe we are on the fairly intellectual side of reading English… and our cummulative total was:

IMG_0797    Fuckery Walking Holidays!

 

 

Trials and Tribulations of Travel

cowpie

After enjoying Poland for the obvious reasons of Tony and Kasia being there; great scenery; good local food; wonderful prices for the weak loonie… we landed in England.

It was not so Jolly of a landing let me tell you.

We have booked a walking tour with the Carter Company, they suggested we stay in Oxford for the first two days and get the “university” experience. This would include staying in St. Stephen’s University rooms and eating in the great hall. Sounds idealistic right? It probably would have been except that I suffer greatly when it comes to the chemicals burned within the product labeled “incense”.

Now I get that we were in a theology university, where people were searching for God. We were not. Our hallway and room smelled like THE gateway to God. Within 10 minutes my head exploded and I felt like I’d been on a two-week bender.

My immediate response was to ask politely (I am Canadian after all) to change rooms. Yes, there is another room available – guess where – RIGHT next door to the incense-burner’s room, not across the hallway. “Brilliant” and ‘no thank you” is a complete sentence right??!

The obvious answer was to call the Carter Company and ask them to substitute the university experience for a hotel/b&b inn experience. Seems simple except that we landed in Oxford during graduation week – thus the house was full – everywhere.

We eventually found an opening at Four Pillars Hotel. We landed in a room that based upon the ‘label’ looked great as we had a bed and Lara would be accommodated in the living room area of the room with an extra bed. That extra bed was set up for a 2-year sized cot. The room windows open merely 2 inches for fear of someone tossing themselves out the 2nd floor window into the farm pasture below the room window. The dying fan sounded like the landing of a 747 in the pasture below!?!

What’s a girl to do? Well I got my ‘bitch on’ and complained. At one point rudely bringing the offending fan into the lobby bar and plugging it in, whilst my husband being the gracious man, went to the bar to order a glass of wine.

Shit happens – it turns out travelling often requires a huge level of patience and bottle of WINE!